He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
