That's intense
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
