So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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