I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
