Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it because I queefed?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
