Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
