I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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