I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize