WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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