everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
