dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
