apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
