Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
