When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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