i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You can't motorboat a personality
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
