Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
