I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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