I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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