i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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