I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
