Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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