Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
