I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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