I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize