So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
