apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've blown a few things in my day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
