You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize