I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
