We named our party play list daddy issues
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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