Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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