why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
