and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
