She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize