where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
