you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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