i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
