I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
