Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
