if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
