I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
