guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
