If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
