and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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