Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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