So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
