I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
