kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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