Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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