Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
