nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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