The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
