i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize