and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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