From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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