Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize