trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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