i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
