Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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