this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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