Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
