he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
