i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
