I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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