I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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