I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
