I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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