Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you. Go after that dick
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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