so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
