She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
