You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
