1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
