Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The uberlube is also flammable
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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