Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize