Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
