i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
