Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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