We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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