So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
