my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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