i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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