There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
