Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize