There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
