in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
