I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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