and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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