how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
