I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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