I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
