I want to make a zoo with you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
