it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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