I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
