Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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