We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
