i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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