whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
