Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
