Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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