i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
