For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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