woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
