I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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